I will not do it with
an urge
I will not do it in a
surge
I will not let you use
the verge
I will not do a zipper
merge
Traffic engineers in a number of states, including
Washington, have embarked upon an “educational” campaign to convince drivers to
adopt the so-called “zipper merge.” They’re
out of their calculating little minds.
You know the situation:
you’re driving on a freeway, in the right lane where you’re supposed to
be. Off to the side appears an orange “Lane
Ends” sign. Since you’re a good driver who always pays attention and plans ahead,
you check your mirrors, find a suitable opening in the traffic flow, and gently
ease into the left lane. Soon,
inevitably, the traffic slows and even comes to a halt, and you wait patiently
in line as it lurches forward.
Suddenly, some yahoo in an Audi (they always seem to drive
either a German car or a Prius) zooms past you in the soon-to-end right lane. They reach the end of the lane and nudge
their way in, whether there’s a suitable space or not, while you simmer a
quarter-mile back. It’s a blatant expression
of privilege and arrogance, and you’re righteously furious.
Now the State DOT is telling us that they’re right and you’re wrong!
The problem is that the traffic engineers inhabit an ideal
universe, a place where logic and cooperation prevail. A place where some will sacrifice by waiting
in line for the benefit of others who cut the line. A place where everybody understands and
agrees upon the rules of the road.
It ain’t here, babe.
Zipper merging is a formula for road rage and unbridled aggression, a
test of wills between the merger and the mergee. It rewards the inattentive and indecisive,
the texters and passionate conversationalists, the just plain pushy and the
passive/aggressive.
Get this, drivers:
when the sign says the lane is ending, THE LANE IS ENDING. Deal with it.
Don’t wait until the last moment and then expect me to generously make
way for you.
